My friend is an Ibogaine provider in Central America. My guy and I have spent some time with him, learning about what he does and how he helps people. It is a phenomenal world. We spent a few days with post-Ibogaine 'Kevin', and learned a lot. So, meet Kevin and learn a little about the wonders of the Iboga root. Please pass this link on, I wish more people were aware of Ibogaine. I feel like I would have a lot more friends alive - literally and metaphorically - if options such as Ibogaine were public knowledge. Ibogaine is also used for psycho-spiritual treatments, seems like it can do magic for just about anyone.
http://www.ibeginagain.org -- best place to go for more ibogaine information, whether you are looking for info on addiction interruption, psycho-spiritual 'enlightenment', PTSD, or any sort of psychological disorder....
LOVE xxx
11 September 2011
10 September 2011
By the way, where is the model rehab?
Well.
I decided I want to be a 'blogger', 'again' - so here we go.
A lot has changed since moving back to NYC all the way back in January. That seems like ages ago, and I guess in a metaphorical sense, it was ages ago. In a shortened version, I moved back to NYC because I was tired of traveling. I was tired of modeling. I had things other than 'being pretty' that I wanted to focus on, and I was searching for stability. Looking back now, it seems idiotic to move back to NYC while in search for a more stable life. I can't believe no one tried to stop me. I can't believe I didn't stop myself, I guess.
I moved back to NYC and immediately signed with a large, well known agency. I thought, why not, I'm here. I told them I only wanted to work well paid gigs, and I didn't want to get sucked into things like fashion week because I didn't fucking care enough. The booker who signed me, who was a friend years before, said, O.K., cool. All was good. I was working almost everyday and I was working rad jobs. And then he left the agency. Before I had time to realize what was happening, I was doing stupid jobs for little to no money and I was all 'signed up' or should I say, 'drafted' for fashion week. I was also miserable. I told myself, I am going to do this and I'm going to do it well. But that didn't happen. Midway through fashion week, after booking my first NYC tent shows and being throughly exhausted, I dropped out. I hated the person it was making me become. It pissed off my agency. Some people couldn't believe I had gone through the hell of fashion week castings, fittings, and even a few shows only to drop out -- but I didn't feel a thing. I didn't feel good and I definitely didn't feel bad, the only thing I knew is that it was the right decision. My agency was upset and after a couple more bullshit jobs I decided to quit modeling. I quit and I felt O.K. about it. I was still fairly isolated, as I had been since moving back. I felt O.K., but restless. I had the whole world to do whatever I wanted with, but all I wanted was something good and simple.
I quit modeling, but I still booked jobs on my own. I was booking jobs I wanted to work, and I was getting paid in cash. Modeling is like an uncontrollable drug addiction that you can't seem to get away from. By the way, where is the model rehab? Does anyone know? I picked up some 'normal NYC' jobs, I dated a couple guys, and I found myself in the midst of a really great group of friends who were not only productive, hilarious, and intelligent -- but psychedelic in a way that I was looking for. This is hard to come by in NYC. I started working daily on 'creative' projects, and for a second, I felt relatively content.
Nothing lasts forever in NYC. NYC works in cycles, cycles of circles. When things are good in NYC, things are really good. But when they are bad, man, NYC is unfuckingbearable. I wanted out. When I moved back, I promised myself I would stick it out through the whole summer, and then decide what I wanted to do. It says something when eight months in a city is what I consider 'a long time' and 'enough time for stability'. I started to realize I had no idea how to live a normal and simple life. It felt like this crazy impossible task. Understandably, I was having a hard time making it through the whole summer. I was looking for every option to get the hell out. And then I met someone. I met someone who is nothing short of amazing and who threw me through some unexpected loops.
To make a long story short, I found myself totally in love super quickly. It was crazy and like every story you hear about but don't believe, or maybe you just scoff at the notion of. I didn't know what to do, as I have found myself in love with the same person for years and years now. But this 'same person' is someone who was never going to pick up and travel the world with me, never going to go out of his way for me. And to be honest, I don't want him to. I always thought he was too talented to waste his time focusing on some girl. But with 'new guy', everything is different. I never wanted to be in some 'committed' relationship, I never thought about leaving Brooklyn 'for good', I never really wanted anything concrete, or, I never knew what I wanted, until I met this guy. As soon as we met, everything just fell into place. Everything worked. I'm not saying I don't miss 'old guy' or that I stopped caring about him. I'm saying that there was a gravity to the situation with 'new guy' that I couldn't ignore, that no one around me could ignore. There were things happening outside of my realm of understanding that would have been 'wrong' to dismiss, the universe was making it impossible to ignore this guy. Ultimately, whatever was and is happening is real, good, and simple. I think that is what I have wanted for some time now, I just didn't think it was attainable.
I am writing this from Guatemala. The guy I am head over heels for is on the roof doing yoga. We arrived here a couple weeks ago. We took a couple short trips - Honduras, Lake Atitlan...and we have a nice homebase that has been relaxing and a break that I needed. We are headed back to the states, Iowa to be exact, in the near future. I'm down here primarily for psycho-spiritual reasons, and for those of you who know me well, you can probably figure out what exactly that means. Only part of our house is covered by a roof, it has been off and on raining all day. There is literally a monsoon about three feet from my laptop, and it's beautiful.
Before leaving NYC, I decided I wanted to travel back to Asia and I also knew that I needed a way to make some concrete money. I stumbled upon a manager who I trust, and this time everything feels right. So, yes, once again, I failed at breaking away from the modeling world. But I'm going to give it one more chance. This time, I'm not trying to climb some ridiculous, never-ending, high fashion ladder. I'm just going to work and see what happens. And I have someone with me that regardless of what happens, I know everything is going to be O.K.
***
Anyway, I promise I am going to keep this 'I am a blogger' thing up. Interesting and hilarious stories are on the way. And for the record, Central America is amazing. Perfect, really.
I decided I want to be a 'blogger', 'again' - so here we go.
A lot has changed since moving back to NYC all the way back in January. That seems like ages ago, and I guess in a metaphorical sense, it was ages ago. In a shortened version, I moved back to NYC because I was tired of traveling. I was tired of modeling. I had things other than 'being pretty' that I wanted to focus on, and I was searching for stability. Looking back now, it seems idiotic to move back to NYC while in search for a more stable life. I can't believe no one tried to stop me. I can't believe I didn't stop myself, I guess.
I moved back to NYC and immediately signed with a large, well known agency. I thought, why not, I'm here. I told them I only wanted to work well paid gigs, and I didn't want to get sucked into things like fashion week because I didn't fucking care enough. The booker who signed me, who was a friend years before, said, O.K., cool. All was good. I was working almost everyday and I was working rad jobs. And then he left the agency. Before I had time to realize what was happening, I was doing stupid jobs for little to no money and I was all 'signed up' or should I say, 'drafted' for fashion week. I was also miserable. I told myself, I am going to do this and I'm going to do it well. But that didn't happen. Midway through fashion week, after booking my first NYC tent shows and being throughly exhausted, I dropped out. I hated the person it was making me become. It pissed off my agency. Some people couldn't believe I had gone through the hell of fashion week castings, fittings, and even a few shows only to drop out -- but I didn't feel a thing. I didn't feel good and I definitely didn't feel bad, the only thing I knew is that it was the right decision. My agency was upset and after a couple more bullshit jobs I decided to quit modeling. I quit and I felt O.K. about it. I was still fairly isolated, as I had been since moving back. I felt O.K., but restless. I had the whole world to do whatever I wanted with, but all I wanted was something good and simple.
I quit modeling, but I still booked jobs on my own. I was booking jobs I wanted to work, and I was getting paid in cash. Modeling is like an uncontrollable drug addiction that you can't seem to get away from. By the way, where is the model rehab? Does anyone know? I picked up some 'normal NYC' jobs, I dated a couple guys, and I found myself in the midst of a really great group of friends who were not only productive, hilarious, and intelligent -- but psychedelic in a way that I was looking for. This is hard to come by in NYC. I started working daily on 'creative' projects, and for a second, I felt relatively content.
Nothing lasts forever in NYC. NYC works in cycles, cycles of circles. When things are good in NYC, things are really good. But when they are bad, man, NYC is unfuckingbearable. I wanted out. When I moved back, I promised myself I would stick it out through the whole summer, and then decide what I wanted to do. It says something when eight months in a city is what I consider 'a long time' and 'enough time for stability'. I started to realize I had no idea how to live a normal and simple life. It felt like this crazy impossible task. Understandably, I was having a hard time making it through the whole summer. I was looking for every option to get the hell out. And then I met someone. I met someone who is nothing short of amazing and who threw me through some unexpected loops.
To make a long story short, I found myself totally in love super quickly. It was crazy and like every story you hear about but don't believe, or maybe you just scoff at the notion of. I didn't know what to do, as I have found myself in love with the same person for years and years now. But this 'same person' is someone who was never going to pick up and travel the world with me, never going to go out of his way for me. And to be honest, I don't want him to. I always thought he was too talented to waste his time focusing on some girl. But with 'new guy', everything is different. I never wanted to be in some 'committed' relationship, I never thought about leaving Brooklyn 'for good', I never really wanted anything concrete, or, I never knew what I wanted, until I met this guy. As soon as we met, everything just fell into place. Everything worked. I'm not saying I don't miss 'old guy' or that I stopped caring about him. I'm saying that there was a gravity to the situation with 'new guy' that I couldn't ignore, that no one around me could ignore. There were things happening outside of my realm of understanding that would have been 'wrong' to dismiss, the universe was making it impossible to ignore this guy. Ultimately, whatever was and is happening is real, good, and simple. I think that is what I have wanted for some time now, I just didn't think it was attainable.
I am writing this from Guatemala. The guy I am head over heels for is on the roof doing yoga. We arrived here a couple weeks ago. We took a couple short trips - Honduras, Lake Atitlan...and we have a nice homebase that has been relaxing and a break that I needed. We are headed back to the states, Iowa to be exact, in the near future. I'm down here primarily for psycho-spiritual reasons, and for those of you who know me well, you can probably figure out what exactly that means. Only part of our house is covered by a roof, it has been off and on raining all day. There is literally a monsoon about three feet from my laptop, and it's beautiful.
Before leaving NYC, I decided I wanted to travel back to Asia and I also knew that I needed a way to make some concrete money. I stumbled upon a manager who I trust, and this time everything feels right. So, yes, once again, I failed at breaking away from the modeling world. But I'm going to give it one more chance. This time, I'm not trying to climb some ridiculous, never-ending, high fashion ladder. I'm just going to work and see what happens. And I have someone with me that regardless of what happens, I know everything is going to be O.K.
***
Anyway, I promise I am going to keep this 'I am a blogger' thing up. Interesting and hilarious stories are on the way. And for the record, Central America is amazing. Perfect, really.
09 March 2011
America, I'm getting bored.
I have written all these short stories about being back in America, modeling but not loving it, feeling a bit empty and trapped, quitting fashion week, and what it is like to live in Brooklyn. However, I'm not really in the mood to post any of them.
Modeling is draining not because of the actual 'job tasks' but because it takes up all your time. It requires you to always be on call, to always be on the move, to always deal with nihilists, hedonists, narcissists, perverts, addicts, and self-indulgent assholes. It requires you to stop thinking, to do whatever you are told, and most of the time - do things you either feel like an idiot doing, or things you thought you would never do. I guess that can be good or bad. I feel like through the last several years, I have come out of everything more self confident, more independent, smarter, even more well read (way too much 'waiting around time' at my job), and I think I am a better person than when I started in a moral and ethical sense. I seem to have more things I feel that I care about and I seem to have a way better perspective on what matters to me. But I don't feel that this line of work is ever going to satisfy me and I'm not sure that it's downfalls are worth whatever benefits people might throw at me when I talk about quitting.
Lately, the world is looking quite bleak and empty. I don't feel excited or inspired. I keep looking for every opportunity to get the fuck out of this city. I have almost jumped in a few vans headed across the country (and am kind of glad I didn't).
If I had to describe America to someone I would tell them that America is excessive. Everything is too big, everyone eats too much, everyone lives beyond their means. I would tell them that a lot of Americans are completely delusional about their place in the world. From the Evangelicals who judge people for every single damn thing they can, to the Mormons who proxy baptize Holocaust victims, to the people who think they are better than everyone else in the world because they are 'from America', to the people who don't even know that there is another world outside of America, to the nihilists and hedonists who live in places like Brooklyn and make it so damn fucking hard for that person riding the fence on giving a fuck and not giving a fuck to make rational choices/to take care of themselves, to that person riding the fence who doesn't understand that the nihilists and hedonists aren't worth a single real second of their time, to the yoga freaks who get caught up in western ideals, to all my friends and all the people I know who are really fucking talented but have ruined or are ruining any chance in doing anything worthwhile with a fucking needle and a spoon, to the racists and the fag haters and the people with 'morals' who bomb abortion centers, to the animal rights activists who attack scientists' homes and labs, to the bankers who spend money on booze and coke and whores like it doesn't mean a thing, to the people who tell women not to walk alone at night but don't think to tell men not to take advantage of women, I say 'fuck you' to all of you, it's getting really boring. The problem with America, is that everything comes down to a moral battle. You want to run for president? You better make appearances at a church and tell people that your 'relationship with God' is something that you will rely on to run our fucking country. No one talks about the fact that we owe China billions of dollars, that they own our debt, yet everyday gay marriage/abortion/legal marijuana/people like Brandon Davies are gracing the covers of our newspapers. Don't worry about North Korea and China, lets talk about that crazy Christian who walked into a church and shot dead a father who just happened to perform abortions, and lets not just talk about him, lets hear that he 'might have been in the right'. What year is it? No one ever wins a moral battle. People protest and do crazy stuff in Europe all the time, but it's all politically motivated. This is why protesting and acting out is effective in Europe. It's hard enough to win a moral battle with yourself, let alone several with the United States of America. People in Asia just tend to exist and live, and I think they are the ones doing something right. I'm getting bored, America.
The only thing I am positive about right now, the only thing I know for sure, is that I need to make some changes. Moving back here has been harder than I ever could have imagined. It's hard to change what you are use to, what you know, and what you are comfortable with. But it's got to happen, because I'm getting bored.
Modeling is draining not because of the actual 'job tasks' but because it takes up all your time. It requires you to always be on call, to always be on the move, to always deal with nihilists, hedonists, narcissists, perverts, addicts, and self-indulgent assholes. It requires you to stop thinking, to do whatever you are told, and most of the time - do things you either feel like an idiot doing, or things you thought you would never do. I guess that can be good or bad. I feel like through the last several years, I have come out of everything more self confident, more independent, smarter, even more well read (way too much 'waiting around time' at my job), and I think I am a better person than when I started in a moral and ethical sense. I seem to have more things I feel that I care about and I seem to have a way better perspective on what matters to me. But I don't feel that this line of work is ever going to satisfy me and I'm not sure that it's downfalls are worth whatever benefits people might throw at me when I talk about quitting.
Lately, the world is looking quite bleak and empty. I don't feel excited or inspired. I keep looking for every opportunity to get the fuck out of this city. I have almost jumped in a few vans headed across the country (and am kind of glad I didn't).
If I had to describe America to someone I would tell them that America is excessive. Everything is too big, everyone eats too much, everyone lives beyond their means. I would tell them that a lot of Americans are completely delusional about their place in the world. From the Evangelicals who judge people for every single damn thing they can, to the Mormons who proxy baptize Holocaust victims, to the people who think they are better than everyone else in the world because they are 'from America', to the people who don't even know that there is another world outside of America, to the nihilists and hedonists who live in places like Brooklyn and make it so damn fucking hard for that person riding the fence on giving a fuck and not giving a fuck to make rational choices/to take care of themselves, to that person riding the fence who doesn't understand that the nihilists and hedonists aren't worth a single real second of their time, to the yoga freaks who get caught up in western ideals, to all my friends and all the people I know who are really fucking talented but have ruined or are ruining any chance in doing anything worthwhile with a fucking needle and a spoon, to the racists and the fag haters and the people with 'morals' who bomb abortion centers, to the animal rights activists who attack scientists' homes and labs, to the bankers who spend money on booze and coke and whores like it doesn't mean a thing, to the people who tell women not to walk alone at night but don't think to tell men not to take advantage of women, I say 'fuck you' to all of you, it's getting really boring. The problem with America, is that everything comes down to a moral battle. You want to run for president? You better make appearances at a church and tell people that your 'relationship with God' is something that you will rely on to run our fucking country. No one talks about the fact that we owe China billions of dollars, that they own our debt, yet everyday gay marriage/abortion/legal marijuana/people like Brandon Davies are gracing the covers of our newspapers. Don't worry about North Korea and China, lets talk about that crazy Christian who walked into a church and shot dead a father who just happened to perform abortions, and lets not just talk about him, lets hear that he 'might have been in the right'. What year is it? No one ever wins a moral battle. People protest and do crazy stuff in Europe all the time, but it's all politically motivated. This is why protesting and acting out is effective in Europe. It's hard enough to win a moral battle with yourself, let alone several with the United States of America. People in Asia just tend to exist and live, and I think they are the ones doing something right. I'm getting bored, America.
The only thing I am positive about right now, the only thing I know for sure, is that I need to make some changes. Moving back here has been harder than I ever could have imagined. It's hard to change what you are use to, what you know, and what you are comfortable with. But it's got to happen, because I'm getting bored.
13 February 2011
American, again.
O.K., so I should probably blog more.
The last time you heard from me I was in London. Since then, I have been to Iowa three times, visited family in Portland, Oregon, flew to Tulum, Mexico for work, and officially moved back to Brooklyn.
Coming back to America was totally crazy. I'm still questioning the move on a semi-regular basis. I'm not sure if this is where I want to be. But there is something about NYC that just grabs you in and doesn't let you go, taunts you with being the 'best' and always makes you think about it when you are away...NYC is essentially that one person we have all fallen in love with who we can't really get over, the one we have to avoid at all costs if we want to officially move on.
Anyway, I got fed up in London. That is essentially what happened. I was tired of working, I was tired of fashion, I was tired of moving, and I needed a break. I hadn't had time off in quite some time. So I went back home to Iowa for some hot meals, full nights sleep, and long hot showers. Iowa was awesome. It was the first time I was truly happy to be back in that place. I flew to Portland, Oregon for a couple reasons. I have a super rad aunt and uncle out there who have a super cute kid I had never met. I also had a super cute boy I missed a lot stopping in Portland for a night on a tour. Seeing family was rad, seeing the boy was perfect. It's weird taking off for long periods of time. I hadn't seen these family members in years, and I hadn't seen this guy in seven months. You kind of keep thinking "am I remembering how I feel about these people?", "what if we don't even get along?", "what if I'm not who they remember me as?" It's nerve-racking. But everything about this trip was perfect. That is, until I got to Brooklyn.
Brooklyn has been full of ups and downs, and mostly just isolating. I seem to have lost interest in most of my 'previous' life here, and find myself blatantly not looking at my phone or meeting up with friends. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, because I can't sit here in Brooklyn just planning to figure it out for too much longer. But here I am. My first few hours in Brooklyn were pretty crazy. Two things stuck out to me - damn, was it loud! And the people -- people are just so rude in Brooklyn, it's laughable. I found an apartment. I'm taking it day by day.
And then there was Tulum. Mexico was amazing and the definition of everything missing in my life. Being on a beach, in the sun, eating fresh food - that whole lifestyle is what I want, I just don't know how to do it.
I have a feeling everything is going to work out if I can keep it together logically. But I sure do miss Asia.
Anyway, more updates soon that are not so bland and general.
The last time you heard from me I was in London. Since then, I have been to Iowa three times, visited family in Portland, Oregon, flew to Tulum, Mexico for work, and officially moved back to Brooklyn.
Coming back to America was totally crazy. I'm still questioning the move on a semi-regular basis. I'm not sure if this is where I want to be. But there is something about NYC that just grabs you in and doesn't let you go, taunts you with being the 'best' and always makes you think about it when you are away...NYC is essentially that one person we have all fallen in love with who we can't really get over, the one we have to avoid at all costs if we want to officially move on.
Anyway, I got fed up in London. That is essentially what happened. I was tired of working, I was tired of fashion, I was tired of moving, and I needed a break. I hadn't had time off in quite some time. So I went back home to Iowa for some hot meals, full nights sleep, and long hot showers. Iowa was awesome. It was the first time I was truly happy to be back in that place. I flew to Portland, Oregon for a couple reasons. I have a super rad aunt and uncle out there who have a super cute kid I had never met. I also had a super cute boy I missed a lot stopping in Portland for a night on a tour. Seeing family was rad, seeing the boy was perfect. It's weird taking off for long periods of time. I hadn't seen these family members in years, and I hadn't seen this guy in seven months. You kind of keep thinking "am I remembering how I feel about these people?", "what if we don't even get along?", "what if I'm not who they remember me as?" It's nerve-racking. But everything about this trip was perfect. That is, until I got to Brooklyn.
Brooklyn has been full of ups and downs, and mostly just isolating. I seem to have lost interest in most of my 'previous' life here, and find myself blatantly not looking at my phone or meeting up with friends. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, because I can't sit here in Brooklyn just planning to figure it out for too much longer. But here I am. My first few hours in Brooklyn were pretty crazy. Two things stuck out to me - damn, was it loud! And the people -- people are just so rude in Brooklyn, it's laughable. I found an apartment. I'm taking it day by day.
And then there was Tulum. Mexico was amazing and the definition of everything missing in my life. Being on a beach, in the sun, eating fresh food - that whole lifestyle is what I want, I just don't know how to do it.
I have a feeling everything is going to work out if I can keep it together logically. But I sure do miss Asia.
Anyway, more updates soon that are not so bland and general.
02 November 2010
western culture shock.
My laptop broke and was out of commission for a bit. I am writing this from Manchester, England. Since I last wrote I left Seoul. I flew to London. I have worked in Manchester twice, Norwich, and tomorrow I am headed to Newcastle. I'm going to Brighton on Friday for some crazy Pagan style festival. England is bizarre. Or maybe it's just normal. I'm not really sure.
Arriving in Heathrow was the first time I have experienced a feeling of western culture shock. The previous times I lived in Asia, I either transferred to another Asian place, or I went back to NYC - which was familiar and safe. But this time I flew into the UK. Something that I know, but that isn't completely me. It was English, and it was "English." I remember my first night back in London. I remember thinking "this isn't what I want at all." But also thinking, "WHAT? This part of the world is insane and hilarious." And it was my world, really. I was hanging out with my usual friends. We went to a show, we went to a few pubs, we were strolling through East London and having a good time. We watched indie movies and smoked Marlboro Reds. It was normal, it was what I have always been. But, in recent years, I have been a big advocate of the eastern world. This trip to Korea confirmed that the eastern world is really something I believe in. Something I want in my life. So flying back here, I won't lie, it was rough. I remember going to my corner store and still saying thank you in Korean. I remember being so surprised how cold and rude people are here. It's funny to say that. Compared to the states, people in England are about as fucking polite as it gets. But. Go the eastern world and you hit a whole new world of "nice." Korea did some good things for me. It reminded me that a lot of things I think I care about, don't actually matter, at all. It made me a better person. It slowed me down a bit. Korea made me re-evaluate my life, and realize that I am completely wrong most of the time. It made me a bit healthier, and at the same time a bigger smoker (cigs cost 2 USD in Seoul).
I have convinced myself to have a good time in England. And, I have been having a good time. In fact, a few nights have been completely blissful and euphoric. I want to leave London, but I am not excited to go back to America. I just don't want to go back. I have been gone for a long time. My life that I had there, is incredibly far away from where I am now. The idea of flying into JFK makes me very, very nervous. Anyway. Here I am in Manchester. I am sleep deprived. I am tired of walking in heels. My hair is purple. It is pouring rain outside. Welcome to England. To be honest, Manchester is kind of rad. I like the architecture. It is way better than Norwich. Norwich made me feel like I was back in middle America, and that kind of tripped me out a bit.
It's funny. Seoul seems like this surreal experience that didn't really happen. I went through a lot in a quick period of time. There was a point where I was one hundred percent positive about changing my life around. I was going to leave the fashion industry, I was going to try and stabilize my life. I thought I had met this amazing person who I thought was worth going out of my way for. I thought I didn't care about a lot of things in my life. I still think I don't care about a lot of those things. But I was hit hard when I found out this person was just as bad, if not worse, than anyone I have ever spent time with. In fact, the worst part was how convincing he was. That he lead me on overseas when it was completely unnecessary, because at the beginning, I didn't give a damn. Now I realize, some of these changes would have been a mistake. At the same time, I had experienced a feeling of happiness I had never felt before. And that did change my life. It's something that has completely changed the way I look at things, and I can't go back to the way I looked at things previously. But I am not going to change what I am doing. That was an irrational thought. And the person I was in love before, I'm still in love with now. In fact, more in love with than ever. I didn't even really think this was possible, to be honest. If anything, I have a better idea of things that matter, and things I don't want anything to do with. It was just this brief period of being completely disillusioned with everything around me. I was blind to logic, and that is kind of scary. Asia can do that to a person. It's a magical place. I feel like a lot of it is right on, and needs to be paid attention to. But the reality is that I have to live in the western world, and that requires a lack of magic, and a lot of fucking logic.
Anyway. So I am on this two week job, right? It's kind of like being on tour. Except instead of playing music, I walk down a runway. This morning we were boarding a flight that took us from Norwich to Manchester. We have been taking trains everywhere, but today we flew. Not sure why. The Norwich airport plays a good trick. We get in, we check in, we get ready to go through security. This is when we are told that in order to board the flight, we have to pay five pounds. The five pounds goes towards "redevelopment of the Norwich airport." I mean, can you imagine going to a friend's place for dinner, and when you get there they say, "you can't leave until you donate to our kitchen remodeling?" This is basically the situation in Norwich. Norwich is the worst (if I didn't express that clearly enough before). So. As we are boarding the flight, I make a semi-cynical, sarcastic remark that if our flight crashed we will make headlines everywhere. Because the media, the news - man, they would eat up a plane full of models crashing. This model turns around, and in all seriousness says, Yeah, it would be like when that plane that had the Polish president and entire Polish government crashed in Russia. In fact, it would be a bigger deal than that. WHAT? Are you kidding me?! To be fair, I was impressed she even knew about that crash. But, come on! A BIGGER DEAL THAN AN ENTIRE COUNTRY'S GOVERNMENT DYING IN A PLANE CRASH? You know, I get embarrassed when I have to travel in a herd of models. I feel super self-conscience. I feel like an idiot. But, apparently - some models feel a huge sense of importance.
I miss Seoul. I met some amazing people there. Koreans are some of the nicest people I have ever met. I made some amazing friends. For a brief second, I felt in love and happy. South Korea was a quirky, beautiful country. The things they deal with on a daily basis, are things the western world can't even fathom. The kimchi crisis, the situation with North Korea, armed American soldiers on every block...yet, they have 24 hour shopping markets, crazy Korean pop music, night clubs that put trendy western clubs to shame, nature that doesn't seem real, and the eastern mindset will always (in my mind) top every single western religion and hedonistic, egotistical mindset possible. I had an amazing time breaking every law possible. Breaking into any place possible - whether it was a US military base, a war memorial museum, or jumping into the Han river completely naked at 4:30 in the morning - Korea was crazy and insane and a lot of times made no sense at all. I miss you Asia. But London, you have been O.K., and I can deal with my current state in life. I think.
Arriving in Heathrow was the first time I have experienced a feeling of western culture shock. The previous times I lived in Asia, I either transferred to another Asian place, or I went back to NYC - which was familiar and safe. But this time I flew into the UK. Something that I know, but that isn't completely me. It was English, and it was "English." I remember my first night back in London. I remember thinking "this isn't what I want at all." But also thinking, "WHAT? This part of the world is insane and hilarious." And it was my world, really. I was hanging out with my usual friends. We went to a show, we went to a few pubs, we were strolling through East London and having a good time. We watched indie movies and smoked Marlboro Reds. It was normal, it was what I have always been. But, in recent years, I have been a big advocate of the eastern world. This trip to Korea confirmed that the eastern world is really something I believe in. Something I want in my life. So flying back here, I won't lie, it was rough. I remember going to my corner store and still saying thank you in Korean. I remember being so surprised how cold and rude people are here. It's funny to say that. Compared to the states, people in England are about as fucking polite as it gets. But. Go the eastern world and you hit a whole new world of "nice." Korea did some good things for me. It reminded me that a lot of things I think I care about, don't actually matter, at all. It made me a better person. It slowed me down a bit. Korea made me re-evaluate my life, and realize that I am completely wrong most of the time. It made me a bit healthier, and at the same time a bigger smoker (cigs cost 2 USD in Seoul).
I have convinced myself to have a good time in England. And, I have been having a good time. In fact, a few nights have been completely blissful and euphoric. I want to leave London, but I am not excited to go back to America. I just don't want to go back. I have been gone for a long time. My life that I had there, is incredibly far away from where I am now. The idea of flying into JFK makes me very, very nervous. Anyway. Here I am in Manchester. I am sleep deprived. I am tired of walking in heels. My hair is purple. It is pouring rain outside. Welcome to England. To be honest, Manchester is kind of rad. I like the architecture. It is way better than Norwich. Norwich made me feel like I was back in middle America, and that kind of tripped me out a bit.
It's funny. Seoul seems like this surreal experience that didn't really happen. I went through a lot in a quick period of time. There was a point where I was one hundred percent positive about changing my life around. I was going to leave the fashion industry, I was going to try and stabilize my life. I thought I had met this amazing person who I thought was worth going out of my way for. I thought I didn't care about a lot of things in my life. I still think I don't care about a lot of those things. But I was hit hard when I found out this person was just as bad, if not worse, than anyone I have ever spent time with. In fact, the worst part was how convincing he was. That he lead me on overseas when it was completely unnecessary, because at the beginning, I didn't give a damn. Now I realize, some of these changes would have been a mistake. At the same time, I had experienced a feeling of happiness I had never felt before. And that did change my life. It's something that has completely changed the way I look at things, and I can't go back to the way I looked at things previously. But I am not going to change what I am doing. That was an irrational thought. And the person I was in love before, I'm still in love with now. In fact, more in love with than ever. I didn't even really think this was possible, to be honest. If anything, I have a better idea of things that matter, and things I don't want anything to do with. It was just this brief period of being completely disillusioned with everything around me. I was blind to logic, and that is kind of scary. Asia can do that to a person. It's a magical place. I feel like a lot of it is right on, and needs to be paid attention to. But the reality is that I have to live in the western world, and that requires a lack of magic, and a lot of fucking logic.
Anyway. So I am on this two week job, right? It's kind of like being on tour. Except instead of playing music, I walk down a runway. This morning we were boarding a flight that took us from Norwich to Manchester. We have been taking trains everywhere, but today we flew. Not sure why. The Norwich airport plays a good trick. We get in, we check in, we get ready to go through security. This is when we are told that in order to board the flight, we have to pay five pounds. The five pounds goes towards "redevelopment of the Norwich airport." I mean, can you imagine going to a friend's place for dinner, and when you get there they say, "you can't leave until you donate to our kitchen remodeling?" This is basically the situation in Norwich. Norwich is the worst (if I didn't express that clearly enough before). So. As we are boarding the flight, I make a semi-cynical, sarcastic remark that if our flight crashed we will make headlines everywhere. Because the media, the news - man, they would eat up a plane full of models crashing. This model turns around, and in all seriousness says, Yeah, it would be like when that plane that had the Polish president and entire Polish government crashed in Russia. In fact, it would be a bigger deal than that. WHAT? Are you kidding me?! To be fair, I was impressed she even knew about that crash. But, come on! A BIGGER DEAL THAN AN ENTIRE COUNTRY'S GOVERNMENT DYING IN A PLANE CRASH? You know, I get embarrassed when I have to travel in a herd of models. I feel super self-conscience. I feel like an idiot. But, apparently - some models feel a huge sense of importance.
I miss Seoul. I met some amazing people there. Koreans are some of the nicest people I have ever met. I made some amazing friends. For a brief second, I felt in love and happy. South Korea was a quirky, beautiful country. The things they deal with on a daily basis, are things the western world can't even fathom. The kimchi crisis, the situation with North Korea, armed American soldiers on every block...yet, they have 24 hour shopping markets, crazy Korean pop music, night clubs that put trendy western clubs to shame, nature that doesn't seem real, and the eastern mindset will always (in my mind) top every single western religion and hedonistic, egotistical mindset possible. I had an amazing time breaking every law possible. Breaking into any place possible - whether it was a US military base, a war memorial museum, or jumping into the Han river completely naked at 4:30 in the morning - Korea was crazy and insane and a lot of times made no sense at all. I miss you Asia. But London, you have been O.K., and I can deal with my current state in life. I think.
22 September 2010
Watching your back, won't cut you any slack.
South Korea is always full of surprises.
This week, my roommates and I learned (a tad too late), that we had the week off. This week is Korean Thanksgiving. A major advantage of living in NYC, is how diverse NYC is. New York is a place that functions 365 days a year, twenty-four hours a day. I have spent every single holiday possible in NYC, and never had a problem finding a wide variety of businesses that stay open during these holidays. There are so many people in NYC with different cultural backgrounds, it is impossible for the entire city to shut down all at once. However, South Korea is incredibly homogenous. Everyone celebrates the same holidays. When I heard I had the week off, I was initially excited. There are still a lot of things I want to do here, that I simply haven't had time for. However, it didn't occur to me that everything would close for the entire week. When I say everything, I mean everything. ATMs don't even work this week. This is the reason I say my roommates and I found out about this holiday a little late. If I would have known ahead of time, I would have made a trip to the bank, and made sure I had extra cash. Oh, the joys of being a foreign model in non-English speaking places. Not so glamourous, I assure you.
Not only is everything closed, but we were hit with a huge storm that lasted over four days. So bad, our area (and other areas) flooded. This made a couple of my Korean friends send me alarming messages telling me not to go outside. One of my friends even sent me an email warning me not to take any walks near the Han River. That email made me laugh a bit. Anyway, public transportation was shut down for a bit, and for once, the streets of Seoul were not jammed with cars. However the torrential rain was not fun to walk in when I decided to brave the weather and see if everything really was closed (the answer to that question is that yes, everything was closed). The storm finally broke today, but it's been cold and dark outside all day.
My Polish roommate went back to Poland as she needed to return to high-school. My agency neglected to make sure she had a way to get to the airport. They told her to take a bus, and they gave her a time of when to be there. She made it to the bus stop on time. At this point, it had been raining hard for two solid days. She waited for the bus for a good forty-five minutes. No bus. She borrowed a phone to call one of our bookers, only to find out buses sometimes don't run in the rain. My roommate was paid in American dollars. The holiday had started without any of us knowing. Meaning, no ATMs were working, and no banks were open. The airport is in Incheon, and she didn't have enough Korean won on her to get to the airport. Eventually, one of my bookers showed up drunk to the bus stop. He gave her cash for a cab. However, when she finally arrived to the airport, boarding was closed. She found another phone, and called the same booker. The booker offered her no help, and told her that she had screwed everything up. Keep in mind, this girl turned seventeen two weeks ago. She called her mother agent in Poland. Our booker then responsibly ignored all calls from her mother agent. Eventually, hours later, the owner of the agency picked her up. However, at this point, an email had been sent to her mother agent. This email stated that my roommate had not only gone to the wrong bus stop, but she had left over an hour late for the airport. Now, I have seen her flight itinerary. Our agency had written on the itinerary what time she should leave for the bus stop. The email also stated that she made our agency pay for the cab, even though they had paid her in cash less than forty-eight hours prior to her leaving. Again, they paid her in USD. They also paid her after four PM on Friday. Banks close at four PM, and as soon as the weekend started, everything shut down for this holiday we were never told about. Essentially, the email stated they weren't going to help with this situation at all. They said it was her fault, and she needed to sort it out (and pay for it) herself.
My roommate walked through our apartment door around 3 AM crying. It was heartbreaking. I stayed up late and researched Korean labor laws for minors. I was surprised to find out that females and minors have the same labor laws. Asia can be incredibly progressive and "ahead" in a lot of ways. However, in some ways they are still very, very far behind. However, the law did work in her favor. The law clearly states that any employer who hires a minor (or female), foreign or not, has to cover all home-coming expenses (when the work contract is over). In fact, employers are still responsible for females and minors for fourteen days after the employee is finished working for the employer. I also found out that females and minors are not legally allowed to work more than seven hours a day, or forty-two hours a week, unless they have received written approval from the Ministry of Labor. My roommates and I were pressuring her to send an email to our agency, stating she was aware that what they were doing was illegal. Now, my roommate is the nicest girl on the planet. However, being assertive is not one of her strong points. By morning, our entire agency had left Seoul. They left without saying a word to her. This is what the modeling industry can be like, and it's wrong. It's socially irresponsible, fuck, it's a crime against humanity! Anyway, I went to dinner with a couple of friends. I ran into my Brazilian roommate a few hours later. She informed me that our roommate's mother agent had sorted something out, and that she had to leave in a hurry to the airport. We are still waiting to hear from her. We know she flew into Berlin, and was taking a train to her hometown. This doesn't seem right for a minor who just wants to go home (and needs to be back in school). Not to mention, a tiny minor who could barely carry her one suitcase, let alone both of her suitcases. I am hoping something legit was worked out, and she is not out of a ton of money. We pay a lot of money for a driver, and I don't understand how this doesn't include a driver to the airport. It seems clear to me that our agency screwed up. They had one obligation for the entire weekend and week of holiday, and that was to make sure one of their models made their flight.
Sigh.
If you don't watch your back at all times in this industry, you will get screwed with. If you watch your back at all times in this industry, you will still get screwed with.
This week, my roommates and I learned (a tad too late), that we had the week off. This week is Korean Thanksgiving. A major advantage of living in NYC, is how diverse NYC is. New York is a place that functions 365 days a year, twenty-four hours a day. I have spent every single holiday possible in NYC, and never had a problem finding a wide variety of businesses that stay open during these holidays. There are so many people in NYC with different cultural backgrounds, it is impossible for the entire city to shut down all at once. However, South Korea is incredibly homogenous. Everyone celebrates the same holidays. When I heard I had the week off, I was initially excited. There are still a lot of things I want to do here, that I simply haven't had time for. However, it didn't occur to me that everything would close for the entire week. When I say everything, I mean everything. ATMs don't even work this week. This is the reason I say my roommates and I found out about this holiday a little late. If I would have known ahead of time, I would have made a trip to the bank, and made sure I had extra cash. Oh, the joys of being a foreign model in non-English speaking places. Not so glamourous, I assure you.
Not only is everything closed, but we were hit with a huge storm that lasted over four days. So bad, our area (and other areas) flooded. This made a couple of my Korean friends send me alarming messages telling me not to go outside. One of my friends even sent me an email warning me not to take any walks near the Han River. That email made me laugh a bit. Anyway, public transportation was shut down for a bit, and for once, the streets of Seoul were not jammed with cars. However the torrential rain was not fun to walk in when I decided to brave the weather and see if everything really was closed (the answer to that question is that yes, everything was closed). The storm finally broke today, but it's been cold and dark outside all day.
My Polish roommate went back to Poland as she needed to return to high-school. My agency neglected to make sure she had a way to get to the airport. They told her to take a bus, and they gave her a time of when to be there. She made it to the bus stop on time. At this point, it had been raining hard for two solid days. She waited for the bus for a good forty-five minutes. No bus. She borrowed a phone to call one of our bookers, only to find out buses sometimes don't run in the rain. My roommate was paid in American dollars. The holiday had started without any of us knowing. Meaning, no ATMs were working, and no banks were open. The airport is in Incheon, and she didn't have enough Korean won on her to get to the airport. Eventually, one of my bookers showed up drunk to the bus stop. He gave her cash for a cab. However, when she finally arrived to the airport, boarding was closed. She found another phone, and called the same booker. The booker offered her no help, and told her that she had screwed everything up. Keep in mind, this girl turned seventeen two weeks ago. She called her mother agent in Poland. Our booker then responsibly ignored all calls from her mother agent. Eventually, hours later, the owner of the agency picked her up. However, at this point, an email had been sent to her mother agent. This email stated that my roommate had not only gone to the wrong bus stop, but she had left over an hour late for the airport. Now, I have seen her flight itinerary. Our agency had written on the itinerary what time she should leave for the bus stop. The email also stated that she made our agency pay for the cab, even though they had paid her in cash less than forty-eight hours prior to her leaving. Again, they paid her in USD. They also paid her after four PM on Friday. Banks close at four PM, and as soon as the weekend started, everything shut down for this holiday we were never told about. Essentially, the email stated they weren't going to help with this situation at all. They said it was her fault, and she needed to sort it out (and pay for it) herself.
My roommate walked through our apartment door around 3 AM crying. It was heartbreaking. I stayed up late and researched Korean labor laws for minors. I was surprised to find out that females and minors have the same labor laws. Asia can be incredibly progressive and "ahead" in a lot of ways. However, in some ways they are still very, very far behind. However, the law did work in her favor. The law clearly states that any employer who hires a minor (or female), foreign or not, has to cover all home-coming expenses (when the work contract is over). In fact, employers are still responsible for females and minors for fourteen days after the employee is finished working for the employer. I also found out that females and minors are not legally allowed to work more than seven hours a day, or forty-two hours a week, unless they have received written approval from the Ministry of Labor. My roommates and I were pressuring her to send an email to our agency, stating she was aware that what they were doing was illegal. Now, my roommate is the nicest girl on the planet. However, being assertive is not one of her strong points. By morning, our entire agency had left Seoul. They left without saying a word to her. This is what the modeling industry can be like, and it's wrong. It's socially irresponsible, fuck, it's a crime against humanity! Anyway, I went to dinner with a couple of friends. I ran into my Brazilian roommate a few hours later. She informed me that our roommate's mother agent had sorted something out, and that she had to leave in a hurry to the airport. We are still waiting to hear from her. We know she flew into Berlin, and was taking a train to her hometown. This doesn't seem right for a minor who just wants to go home (and needs to be back in school). Not to mention, a tiny minor who could barely carry her one suitcase, let alone both of her suitcases. I am hoping something legit was worked out, and she is not out of a ton of money. We pay a lot of money for a driver, and I don't understand how this doesn't include a driver to the airport. It seems clear to me that our agency screwed up. They had one obligation for the entire weekend and week of holiday, and that was to make sure one of their models made their flight.
Sigh.
If you don't watch your back at all times in this industry, you will get screwed with. If you watch your back at all times in this industry, you will still get screwed with.
14 September 2010
I am not a bride. I am a model.
Castings here are a lot different then they are in the western world. Taipei still tops the list of worst casting procedures of all time. However, Seoul is running in at a close second place. I go to castings with my three roommates and one of my bookers. The booker is there to drive us to the casting, and to translate the castings. Most of the clients do not speak a word of English. We usually have to stand in front of these people in a line. One by one the client will ask us to show them "poses." Essentially, we have to pretend we are shooting right then and there. Each pose needs to be held for a few seconds. Rather then an accurate way of proving I can, in fact, actually model - it feels more like a lame, robotic, objectifying dance.
Bikini castings are some of the worst castings I am required to go to. Recently, I had to walk into a room in a bikini and heels. The room was filled with six Korean men. They were chain smoking cigarettes, and sitting around a table. They all had their super hi-tech phones out, and took photos of me while I showed them "poses." It felt wrong for a lot of reasons. And, surprise, I didn't book the job. However, my seventeen year old roommate is on hold for the job. Something about that feels wrong, as well. Catalog castings are not as objectifying, only because I am not standing in front of groups of men half naked. Catalog castings are mind-numbing. If the client likes a model, that model will end up trying on an endless amount of "outfits", and doing the "pose dance" in each outfit. When this happens, I feel like I am working, except I am not getting paid. Editorial castings are the only castings that are even close to a western casting. Sometimes, the client will just look at my portfolio (in the modeling world, we call this our "book"). Other times, they might ask the models to take a few test photos. And then we have commercial castings. Commercial castings are by far the most hilarious of all castings. In these castings, we are asked to "act", read lines that are barely in English, and do a lot of things that don't make any sort of sense at all. No matter what the conditions or terms of procedure are, all of these castings are a weird experience. This is primarily because the client/s will look and look at me, and then blatantly talk about me in a language I don't understand. So. I stand there. And I feel like a child who is earnestly listening to the adults in the room making jokes that are seemingly funny, but sigh - I'm too young to understand what the hell is actually going on. But, you know, I'll laugh anyway and try to "fit in." It is a bit demeaning and over the top objectifying. But that is my job.
As objectifying as bikini castings are, and as mind numbing as a catalog casting is -- nothing, and I mean nothing, is worse then a wedding casting. We go to wedding castings on a regular basis. I have no idea how it is even possible that there are so many wedding related jobs in this city. At the wedding castings, my roommates and I will sit down on a nice couch in a nice room. One by one, we will climb up on a stage-like platform, usually guarded by an ornate curtain. When we get behind the curtain, we will find a few Korean ladies holding strapless bras, pins, and a huge (and I mean huge) wedding dress. We will strip. After stripping, we will be aided while we jump into the dress. The dress is usually not finished. So, after jumping into the dress, we will wait while the ladies fit the dress to our bodies. Then, the curtain will open. The client/s come into the room. A camera is pulled out. Our booker will tell us what kind of poses the client wants to see. We will do the poses, and feel stupid. Really stupid. We will try to show them profile angles of the dress, but the dress is so big - that we will have a really hard time turning around in it. If the client likes the model, the model might have to change into more dresses.
Usually, I am an automatic "no" for this type of job. No one wants me to represent their bridal line. Besides, obviously, for my physical appearance - this is maybe the one "persona" I can't portray on camera. It just isn't me. Honestly, I don't want anything to do with the wedding world. I put on these dresses and think, "this will never be me." Everything about my attitude and energy screams "not someone who wears huge Korean wedding dresses, or wedding dresses of any kind." The whole wedding world, this is not something I know anything about.
Anyway.
The other day, in the middle of this typhoon, we were stuck at our last casting of the day. It was a wedding casting. The dresses were the most horrendous I have ever seen. I looked at their past advertisements that were plastered in photo albums, and on their walls. I asked my booker if I absolutely had to do the casting. I pointed to the photos on the wall and said, Do you really think I am going to book a job like this? Do you really think the client has any interest in someone like me? I am just wasting time by trying on that dress. Although he did agree with me, he said I had to do it. This is Korea. Breaking procedure is never okay. This is when my roommate said something that cursed the entire casting. My Brazilian roommate then said, You never know what a client is looking for, or likes. Doomed! That was it. The client then decided I was the only one who even needed to try on the dress. She was immediately obsessed with me.
And so yes, tomorrow, I am shooting a wedding editorial. I will spend hours in wedding dress after wedding dress. The client asked to see "strong" poses at the casting. I did my goddamn best not to show her any kind of poses. She still loved me. Tomorrow, I will be forced to "make strong poses" all day while wearing the most frilly of all wedding dresses ever created
You never know what a clients wants. Unfortunately.
***
By the way, check out my Brooklyn roommate's blog. She has been suffering from jet-lag, and busy with settling into this crazy city. However, she typically updates it regularly, and it is a good read.
Also, Sasha is one of the raddest models around. I just discovered that she also has a blog. I was hooked after one post. Check it.
Bikini castings are some of the worst castings I am required to go to. Recently, I had to walk into a room in a bikini and heels. The room was filled with six Korean men. They were chain smoking cigarettes, and sitting around a table. They all had their super hi-tech phones out, and took photos of me while I showed them "poses." It felt wrong for a lot of reasons. And, surprise, I didn't book the job. However, my seventeen year old roommate is on hold for the job. Something about that feels wrong, as well. Catalog castings are not as objectifying, only because I am not standing in front of groups of men half naked. Catalog castings are mind-numbing. If the client likes a model, that model will end up trying on an endless amount of "outfits", and doing the "pose dance" in each outfit. When this happens, I feel like I am working, except I am not getting paid. Editorial castings are the only castings that are even close to a western casting. Sometimes, the client will just look at my portfolio (in the modeling world, we call this our "book"). Other times, they might ask the models to take a few test photos. And then we have commercial castings. Commercial castings are by far the most hilarious of all castings. In these castings, we are asked to "act", read lines that are barely in English, and do a lot of things that don't make any sort of sense at all. No matter what the conditions or terms of procedure are, all of these castings are a weird experience. This is primarily because the client/s will look and look at me, and then blatantly talk about me in a language I don't understand. So. I stand there. And I feel like a child who is earnestly listening to the adults in the room making jokes that are seemingly funny, but sigh - I'm too young to understand what the hell is actually going on. But, you know, I'll laugh anyway and try to "fit in." It is a bit demeaning and over the top objectifying. But that is my job.
As objectifying as bikini castings are, and as mind numbing as a catalog casting is -- nothing, and I mean nothing, is worse then a wedding casting. We go to wedding castings on a regular basis. I have no idea how it is even possible that there are so many wedding related jobs in this city. At the wedding castings, my roommates and I will sit down on a nice couch in a nice room. One by one, we will climb up on a stage-like platform, usually guarded by an ornate curtain. When we get behind the curtain, we will find a few Korean ladies holding strapless bras, pins, and a huge (and I mean huge) wedding dress. We will strip. After stripping, we will be aided while we jump into the dress. The dress is usually not finished. So, after jumping into the dress, we will wait while the ladies fit the dress to our bodies. Then, the curtain will open. The client/s come into the room. A camera is pulled out. Our booker will tell us what kind of poses the client wants to see. We will do the poses, and feel stupid. Really stupid. We will try to show them profile angles of the dress, but the dress is so big - that we will have a really hard time turning around in it. If the client likes the model, the model might have to change into more dresses.
Usually, I am an automatic "no" for this type of job. No one wants me to represent their bridal line. Besides, obviously, for my physical appearance - this is maybe the one "persona" I can't portray on camera. It just isn't me. Honestly, I don't want anything to do with the wedding world. I put on these dresses and think, "this will never be me." Everything about my attitude and energy screams "not someone who wears huge Korean wedding dresses, or wedding dresses of any kind." The whole wedding world, this is not something I know anything about.
Anyway.
The other day, in the middle of this typhoon, we were stuck at our last casting of the day. It was a wedding casting. The dresses were the most horrendous I have ever seen. I looked at their past advertisements that were plastered in photo albums, and on their walls. I asked my booker if I absolutely had to do the casting. I pointed to the photos on the wall and said, Do you really think I am going to book a job like this? Do you really think the client has any interest in someone like me? I am just wasting time by trying on that dress. Although he did agree with me, he said I had to do it. This is Korea. Breaking procedure is never okay. This is when my roommate said something that cursed the entire casting. My Brazilian roommate then said, You never know what a client is looking for, or likes. Doomed! That was it. The client then decided I was the only one who even needed to try on the dress. She was immediately obsessed with me.
And so yes, tomorrow, I am shooting a wedding editorial. I will spend hours in wedding dress after wedding dress. The client asked to see "strong" poses at the casting. I did my goddamn best not to show her any kind of poses. She still loved me. Tomorrow, I will be forced to "make strong poses" all day while wearing the most frilly of all wedding dresses ever created
You never know what a clients wants. Unfortunately.
***
By the way, check out my Brooklyn roommate's blog. She has been suffering from jet-lag, and busy with settling into this crazy city. However, she typically updates it regularly, and it is a good read.
Also, Sasha is one of the raddest models around. I just discovered that she also has a blog. I was hooked after one post. Check it.
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